is your mom at the bar?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize