i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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