The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
