we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I need water and some morals
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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