doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
