yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
