he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
