Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
