Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
