I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
