apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
