I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
