My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
