I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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