woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
