this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
please come you make the beer taste better
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
