do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
