Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
