Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize