You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you will always have a special place in my vag
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
porn star boner night. come get it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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