A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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