my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
