my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
