i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
