Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize