Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
They took my balls.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
