I think I am morally bankrupt
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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