just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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