i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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