dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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