It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
