Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
