I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
