if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
