I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
