I wish my penis had an off switch
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
