Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
