You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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