Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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