Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
God, I missed his penis.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
