So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm at about main and main street
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
