I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
