wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
