Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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