I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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