I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
