you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
