That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
