I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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