saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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