high people should be assigned attendants
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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