so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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