So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
