Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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