just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
