alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
