sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
