You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize