if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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