Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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