I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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