Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
