My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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