Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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