Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
