i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
