That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
