is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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