It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
