just tell him i said nine months
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
