is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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