we have officially lost it.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
