i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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