I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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