last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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