Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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